A hug to remember

Nurse Lauren Garfield distinctly remembers the first time she heard Jason’s story. She was listening to the on-call nurse’s report and heard about a new admit. Listening to the patient’s story made her cringe and for some reason, she knew this patient would be her responsibility. She learned that Jason would be her patient and as a new registered nurse case manager, she felt completely inadequate.

As Lauren and her vocational nurse, Lisa, reviewed Jason’s file, they learned that his pain was out of control due to cancer. He was 35 years old with a 31-year-old wife and was only expected to live a few weeks.

During their first visit, Lauren and Lisa really saw the gravity that cancer carries. As they entered Jason’s room, they found him kneeling on his knees on the side of his bed. His head hung low as this was the only position in which he could find any comfort. Filled with anger and easily irritated, Jason’s response to the nurses and to any sort of help was immediately refused with short, cutting remarks.

Understandably, Lauren’s first visit with Jason was very short, however the first visit with Wendy, Jason’s wife, was filled with tough questions. She asked questions like, “Should I take family medical leave now?  What is he going to die from exactly? What will it look like?  What do I expect?” Lauren tried to explain with educated guesses but ultimately explained there would be no way of giving a definite time frame.  She said only God knows when He will bring Jason home. She explained the dying process. She suggested they enjoy the time they have. She encouraged a chaplain visit for Jason, but Wendy knew he would not agree to it.  Wendy assured Lauren she’d let her know if anything changed. Lauren’s heart broke that day for Jason and Wendy and she began carrying them both in her heart and prayers. 

Lauren would become anxious when it was time to visit Jason. Deep down Jason knew he needed her help but he wanted nothing to do with her. Any exchanges were curt and bitter. As time passed Jason’s pain continued to increase and as a result, they increased his pain medication dosage. It was difficult to keep him comfortable.  He had gone from engaging in some activity to very little.

Wendy returned to work, hoping for a sense of normalcy. When Wendy was working, her mom, Marilyn would stay with Jason. Marilyn loved Jason and wanted to help however she could. She would call Lauren whenever extra help was needed. Jason became weaker by the day and more pain management was necessary. Jason was coming to grips with the fact that this may be it. And for the first time, Lauren saw Jason cry.

Jason continued to be angry and refused any kind of physical assessments, chaplain visits, social work or aide services. Lauren was perplexed with how to help but she continued to pray. She watched in amazement as a 31-year-old wife cared for her dying husband with such love and compassion and as a mother-in-law sacrificed months of her life to help Jason with his moment-by-moment needs. 

However hardened someone appears on the outside doesn’t always mean they’re hardened on the inside.  Wendy shared with Lauren that when she and Jason were alone, Jason would stay up late talking about his death and God. Jason was admittedly angry with God and was not ready to leave this world.

“The last time I saw Jason while he was still responsive will forever be stored in my heart,” said Lauren.  “Jason was at the point where he could barely move at all. He had pressure sores he wouldn’t let anyone treat; he was experiencing increased nausea and was hardly able to eat any food. Lauren tried to ask about his pain, his sleeping, his nausea and vomiting…until Jason finally cried out, “Why do you have to ask me all these stupid questions? Can you just narrow it down to the bare minimum and then go?”

After the outburst, Jason broke down and said, “You know the pain I can handle, but I am such a sissy when it comes to the nausea.” Lauren took the opportunity to do something she had been afraid to do, but desperately wanted to for so long. She acknowledged Jason’s feelings and stated how she could not imagine enduring all that he had.  “I would have given up a long time ago if it were me,” she said. She told Jason how much she respected and admired him for fighting for his life for so long. She reminded Jason of how lucky he was to have the love of two incredible women who had given up so much to take care of him. And she told him what an honor it was for her to get to be a part of his life during this time.

Jason stayed really quiet the entire time Lauren was talking. Then he finally responded, “Come over here and give me a hug.” Jason was unable to really move his arms or lower body at all. Lauren quickly went over and hugged Jason’s wasted body and heard him say, “I’m so sorry I can’t hug you back.”

Lauren told Jason how much that meant to her. The old Jason quickly reminded her she shouldn’t take it to heart. Lauren spent the next several minutes listening to stories of how he and Wendy met. Jason acknowledged how lucky he was to have Wendy and Marilyn and how sorry he was that he had gotten so upset with her when she was only trying to help him. He let Lauren know he never meant personal anger or irritation toward her but that he was just so tired of it all and did not know how to express all he carried inside.

As Lauren left that visit she felt like God had given her an incredible gift and restored a piece of her heart. “I can’t really explain it, but in a moment I felt God had empowered me and given me a touch from Jesus”, she said. “I don’t know if Jason even really thought twice about it, but that hug has changed my life.  God has given us life, but he doesn’t promise us an easy journey. In fact he tells us, “You will suffer because of me.’”

Lauren said that she had never wished so much comfort and peace for someone. Prayers for Jason, Wendy and Marilyn were constantly on her lips. Driving to patient’s houses, laying in bed at night, sitting in church, and Monday morning office prayer group, the words of desperation flowed from her heart for Jason. She only desired that he feel the love of God and hoped that she had been able to be the hands and feet of Jesus for him, along with Wendy and Marilyn.

Lauren’s stomach sank the night she got the message telling her Jason was having uncontrolled pain and decreased responsiveness. Arrangements were made to provide continuous care. It was evident the end was near. The next day Lauren went to see him. He no longer spoke and barely opened his eyes. She held his hand, and thought, “Jason would kill me if he knew I was touching him and he would surely tell me to go away.”

The next morning Lauren got the call saying Jason had just passed away. She hurried to his house. Wendy had left that morning for work but Marilyn had been with him, holding his hand. Marilyn said Jason opened his eyes and looked at her like he wanted to say something and then took his last breath. No pain, no distress…only everlasting peace.

Within the hour, family and friends were gathered at the house to comfort Wendy and to say their goodbyes to a man who lived with such strength, courage and a will to fight.

Lauren, Lisa and many others attended a small service to remember the life of Jason Hoover. And while they grieved for the loss of a man who had so much life still left to live, they rejoiced knowing that he was free from all pain and suffering and instead running into the arms of his Maker.

At the time Lauren met Jason, he had been given only a few weeks to live by doctors, but God gave him three months. Three months to touch the heart of a young nurse whose life will forever be changed by one hug.